Vandread: Behind The Scenes
by fatdog
Summary: When your inside the Vandread studio, you would see how the actors under the characters act. Yes, you can laugh all you want.


Disclaimer: None of the characters in the story are mine. None of the songs aren't mine. If they were, I wouldn't be writting this story anyway...

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Director: Cut! Cut! People! More feeling! Exaggerate!   
I ain't directing this show if no one would listen to a thing I say!

Meia: But my part is so cold! Why do I have to say all these   
things! I don't even understand what I'm saying! My lips are dry!   
I want to go to the mall!

Dita: (Rolls her eyes) Can we change parts? My part is so not me.  
Please! I don't have to call Hibiki Mister Alien plus, I suck at cooking  
and I hate aliens. They smell just like Hibiki.

Hibiki: What did you say?!?!

Dita: I'm just kidding! I wouldn't insult my best buddy now   
would I? (Gives Hibiki noogie) Come here!

Hibiki: Stop! C'mon, Dita! (Laughs)

Jura: Can I change parts with Parfet? I want to be a match   
with Duero! (Looks at Parfet) You are so not fair! I don't like  
to drive a dread anyway! I was created to deal with Paeksis!  
Not become a dread fighter! You guys are so hurtful! (Runs to  
dressing room and slams the door)

Barnette: She's got a big problem...

Dita: Blondes...(Rolls eyes) They are so irritating...

Parfet: Uh... Guys? Do we have to go through this every time we   
shoot an episode? (Takes off glasses and wipes them) I hate   
these things... They don't get to see my eyes on T.V... (sighs)

Buzam: Try wearing a wig and balloons stuck at your chest all the  
time. I'm pretty scared that aren't they going to pop? And they are   
filled with water. These are going to soak my suit man. What if the  
guys at home find out I play part as a gay?

Parfet: Tsk, tsk. You are so macho anyway... (Squeezes Buzam's cheeks)

Buzam: Hey! Now they're totally red! Make Up!

Parfet: Oops, My bad...

Meia: Let's go to the mall!

Amarone: Look guys, Me and Dita still have basketball practice  
later. We might be late... Again besides, Hibiki promised to drive us.

Hibiki: I did not!

Amarone: (Grabs Hibiki by the collar) Problem?

Hibiki: Solved? *POW*

Dita: Guess what Direc? That guy with the big monkey doesn't  
have to beat up Hibiki. Amarone just did... (Amarone just   
dropped Hibiki to the floor)

Director: How many times have I told you not to him up?

Amarone: Fifty?

Meia: Let's go to the mall!

Ezra: Shut up! I'm sick of all the noise!

Meia: (Whimpers) I just wanted to go to the mall...

Bart: (Marches in with Discman. Listening to Avril Lavigne CD)   
Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out...

Gascogne: Sometimes he gets so weird he shaved his head up...

Bart: Is it enough to love?

Gascogne: Is it enough to polish my bald head?

Hibiki: Ow.. My head...

Whole crew: *LAUGHS*

Bart: (Takes off earphones) What is everybody  
laughing about?

Meia: Mall... (Sighs)

Bart: (shrugged his shoulder puts back earphones) I'm tugging out my  
hair...

Gascogne: He's is tugging out his hair? (Wonders)

Bart: I knew it! Gascogne is making fun of me again!  
(Points at Gascogne)

Gascogne: Me? No, I wouldn't make fun of you. Really. Especially  
since you have a bald head...

Bart: (Tackles Gascogne) Stop it!

Gascogne: Whatever... (Punches Bart)

Meia: Please! Let's go to the mall!

Duero: (Marches in, without hands in pocket) So, what's the sitch?

Dita: Been watching Kim Possible

Duero: Kinda like the way her chest is drawn. Very... Pointy (Snickers)

Dita: (Giggles) Yeah...

Director: People! Places!

Meia: MALL!!!

Dita: Why not?

Duero: Why not what?

Dita: Do you want to go to the mall with me and Meia?  
(Duero nods)

Meia: (Jumps up and down) I'm going to the mall!   
Nanner nanner nanner! (Sticks tongue out Barnette)

Jura: (Steps out dressing room and sees Duero with one arm  
around Parfet's shoulders) The world is just not fair! (Runs   
back inside dressing room and slams door harder)

Barnette: She has got a bigger problem than Meia...

Meia: I do not have a problem! (Throws chair at Barnette)

Belvedere: That's my chair!

Meia: Gomena... I didn't know.

[An unknown character steps in]

U.C: Sister!

Dita: Uh no... They finished shooting Gatekeepers already...  
(Puts hand on face)

U.C: Sister! (Hugs Dita) Let's go to the mall!

Dita: Rurippe? Could you get out this set for a little while?  
Can't you see we are still shooting an episode?

Ruriko: But you promised me that we would meet Big Sis, Gokou  
and Lirin at the mall...

Barnette: Stop it with the mall already!

Dita: We'll meet Belldandy, Gokou and Lirin later.  
(Shoves Ruriko out the door)

Ruriko: (Checks Planner) But you've got practice!

Dita: Later! (Slams Door in face)

Meia: Why don't you bring your sister along?

Dita: I'm going to the mall after practice. Didn't you hear? Are   
you okay with that?

Meia: Okie Dokie!

Director: Dita! Meia! Barnette! Jura! Places in dread, now!  
Where's Jura?

Barnette: Dressing room. Probably freaking out...

Jura: I'm here! (Hops in dread) I'm going on a mission!   
I'm going on a mission. (Sticks out tongue at Parfet) I'm on  
a mission!

Parfet: (Sighs) Why does most of the cast appear the  
opposite of their role?

Director: Action!

Meia: All dreads attack formation!

Dita and Jura: Roger!

Barnette: Hi, Jura (Smiles, then collides her dread with Jura's)

Jura: Stop it Barnette! My tits are bouncing! I don't like it! It hurts!

Director: Cut! Not again...

Bart: Why are girls so obsessed with their tits? Does it   
really hurt when it bounces?

Ezra: (rolls her eyes) DUH!

Bart: (Puts on earphones) It's the first time I've ever felt this lonely...

Gascogne: It's the first time I've ever felt so bald...

Duero: (Snickers)

Parfet: (Cheeks filled with air)

Buzam: (Smiles)

Hibiki: Why did Bart shave his head?

Gascogne: Eureka! He didn't shave his head. He pulled it out.  
(Sings line from song "Things I'll never Say" by Avril Lavigne)  
I'm tugging out my hair...

Bart: Me again... (Walks out the room)

Director: Hey Mount Baldie! Where do you think your going?

Bart: Somewhere not here!

Director: Stay where you are! (Walks out)

Bart: Okay...

Paiway: (Walks in wet with sweat) Am I late?

Belvedere: No! You are very early! Really! You so early, we've  
eaten lunch already!

Paiway: But I... didn't mean to...

Belvedere: Didn't mean to what?

Paiway: I didn't mean to...

Belvedere: WHAT!!!

Dita: Stop getting mad at the kid. She's just small...

Hibiki: Yeah, what would you feel if you were the one  
being scolded...

Belvedere: Don't you know you two look so cute together?

Dita: Not that issue again...

Hibiki: History repeats itself the one-hundredth time

Dita: One-hundred First to be exact...

Hibiki: Maybe your jealous... (Smiles at Belvedere)

Belvedere: Oh please, who would want a guy who gets   
straight A's in class. (Shakes head) I like guys who are   
bullies, strong and muscular.

Hibiki: Gojyo?

Belvedere: Eww...

[Gojyo comes in]

Gojyo: Did any of you see Lirin? Or Gokou?

Meia: Mall with Rurippe!

Gojyo: Oh really? Hakkai! They're at the mall! Let's drink!

Hakkai: Oi!

[Gojyo steps out]

Dita: Not again. (Looks at Jura and Parfet)

Hibiki: But they didn't do anything...

Dita: Yet...

*BANG* *CRASH* *BOOM*

Director: (Pops head inside) Jura!

Hibiki: You are so smart! How did you know that would happen?

Dita: It happened yesterday...

Director: The dreads! The background! The setting!

Dita: (whispers) The mess...

Director: THE MESS! JURA!

Jura: I only wanted to change roles with Parfet. (Snivels) But she   
didn't want too.. I don't like her... You should fire her.

Parfet: I'm still in college. I don't care if I get fired...

Jura: WAH!!!!!!!

Parfet: I am going to die... (Frowns)

Paiway: She is such a cry baby. (Dita gives her the script) What's  
this!?! I'm going to cover my face with powder!?! And look beautiful   
when I'm not!?! This is an outrage!!! Daddy!!! Achoo! Is there a   
monkey in here?

*Utan Appears*

Paiway: Ahh!! Monkey! I'm allergic! No more! I can't take it!  
No more! Help! I'm being chased by an illegally shipped monkey!   
Stop it! Mommy!

*Paiway and Utan disappear*

Ezra: Will all of you keep your pie holes shut! I couldn't  
hear my own voice for crying out loud!

Belvedere: What a hot-headed jerk...

Ezra: What did you say?

Kahlua: Wah!!!

Pyoro: Pyoro 2!

Ezra: (Throws camera man at Pyoro) That's my baby! Not a  
reincarnation of a robot you idiot!

Pyoro: Why did we have to get her? Is it because of her baby?

Camera Man: (Nods) Yes... But we need the baby in the   
Second Stage! Not the First...

Meia: I'm going to the mall! (Picks ballpen and paper) Let's see...  
A pink Guess shirt, a pair of club banana jeans, a Jag skirt, pair of Natasha shoes...

Gascogne and Parfet: Shopoholic (Anime Sweatdrop appears   
on forehead)

Meia: A leather jacket would look fine...

Barnette: Why not buy a notebook? 

Meia: Because I have money and you don't !(Sticks out tongue   
at Barnette and looks at her costume) And maybe your   
costume would look good on me. (Bites the tip of the pen) Nah,  
I'll look fashionably idiotic. (Starts writing again)

Dita: (Looks at clock) Golly By Wow! It's 3:30 already!

Amarone: Holy cow! Now, we're totally late for practice and we  
haven't reached the middle of this episode!

Dita: (Sighs) Another punishment, noh, Amarone?

Amarone: Not unless Hibiki drives fast!

Hibiki: (Sound of a Ferrari car) Faster than I'll ever drive...

* VROOM*

~Few Minutes Later~

Director: Where's Dita?

Parfet: Didn't see her.

Gascogne: Nope.

Duero: Nada.

Buzam: Nu-uh

Ezra: What do you think I am? A lost and foundry?

Pyoro: No trace of Dita

Meia: Mall?

Barnette: (Rolls eyes) Ask the air-head

Jura: I am not an air-head!

Belvedere: Check the closet?

Bart: I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do... (Taps foot to beat)

Director: Where could Dita--

Belvedere: Amarone and Hibiki is missing too!

Director: We'll never get this episode done... (Sighs)

Meia: I don't want to go to the mall anymore...

(Everyone looks at Meia)

Meia: (Uses her serious voice on screen) People change.  
And it's a wonderful thing. (Raises and eyebrow) Was that good?  
(Smiles)

*The whole crew stares at Meia*

Meia: Why? Do I have a zit? or something?

Director: (Hugs Meia) This is an inspiration! Meia will change  
somewhere in the Second Stage and I swear!

Meia: Whatever... (Rolls eyes) Oh yeah, Do me, Dita and Jura  
have to do that thing. You know, the posing at the end of the episode?  
When we roll in the credits?

Director: Yup.

Meia: Wait, I have to make my shopping list longer...

Barnette: For what reason!?!

Meia: I'm posing at the end. I always go shopping when   
I do that thing. I don't think they are taking my face, only my legs.

Belvedere: Not legs, go higher.

Meia: Oh...

Jura: I hate Parfet!

Parfet: What did I do?

Jura: You know what you did! (Slaps Parfet)

Parfet: (In tears) That hurts...

Duero: What did you just do to my... girlfriend? (Puts one arm   
around Parfet)

Jura: Wah! The world is just ain't totally fair! This is so  
not my dream! (Slams the door.... again)

Parfet: (Blushes) You shouldn't have done that. Besides, it's  
not true anyway

Duero: Then, would you become my girlfriend?

Parfet: Ah? [Big Sweatdrop apperance on forehead]

Duero: Do you want to become my girl?

Parfet: Duero, I don't think I'm ready for that stuff and I'm only eighteen, ah...

Duero: So am I.

Parfet: (Hugs Duero) Why not?

Duero: (Smiles) I'm happy

Parfet: Me too...

~Three Hours Later~

Dita: We're back!

Barnette: Great! Now we can-- (Gets shock at what Dita and   
Amarone were wearing)

Belvedere: Are those authentic jersey!?! Like what Ashanti   
was wearing at her video with Fat Joe "What's Love"?!?!

Amarone: The one and only!

Belvedere: (Tugs the mid-rib Jersey) Get out!

Barnette: Can you give it to me? Please? Dita?

Dita: What are you? A birthday celebrant?

Barnette: Please! I need it!

Dita: For what?

Barnette: For something...

Dita: You don't need it you mook [I don't know the spelling]

Barnette: Okay...

Amarone: It's our jersey for the games. Our coach   
said it's for players only.

Dita: Did you hear? For basketball players only.

Hibiki: Hey guys!

Bart: [Runs to Hibiki] Where did you get this?!?

Hibiki: Coincidence! When I was watching the practice,   
Mike Bibby appeared! He was wearing his jersey. And   
then, when he saw me staring, he took off his jersey and  
signed it and gave it to me!

Bart: I'm jealous...

Gascogne: Jealous of his hair is what he is jealous about. 

Bart: Stop it!

Ezra: Shut up! I don't wanna hear your voice!

Bart: You shut up you jerk!

Ezra: A least I'm not bald!

Bart: So what if I'm bald? They see me on screen   
with hair anyway!

Ezra: Your wearing a wig!

Bart: At least I have hair!

Gascogne: No you don't.

Bart: Yes I do!

Gascogne: Your head reflects the sun rays already and   
you say you have hair?

Ezra: You are nothing but a second-rate trying hard   
copy-cat!

Bart: I'll wear the wig already!

Director: Places!

Meia: All dreads attack formation!

Dita and Jura: Roger!

~Fast-Forward~

Director: Now for the posing part. [Drools]

Hibiki: [Whispers] Delicioso... [Rubs hands]

Dita: Huh?

Hibiki: Ah! It's nothing!! Really...

Meia: He kinda said something about delicious food...

Hibiki: That's right! I was thinking about... uhm...   
Stewed beans with brocolli sauce!

Dita: You don't eat those stuff, Hibiki. (Crosses arms)

Bart: Why do I have to fall for another man?

Buzam: (Seductive voice) Why? Don't you like me?

Bart: No.

Buzam: You are so mean! (Slaps Bart)

Bart: What has gotten into you?

Buzam: I felt like acting like Jura. (Giggles)

Bart: (Laughs) Wicked!

Director: Shall we?

Dita, Jura & Meia: We shall!

~After-Shooting~ 

Meia: I'm finally out of that stuffy studio! (Streches arms, walks)

Dita: Talk about spandex...

Meia: I hate spandex and they want me to wear it all   
over my body! Who are they to judge the way I dress?

Dita: Meia, your wearing jeans with one straight down and the   
other cut before it even hits your knee. And that shirt,   
it's also unequal...

Meia: Dita my dear, it's called styled for a reason. Look   
at the way you dress, elephant pants that sweep the highway   
and a shirt so loose, it's hanging. And your color combination, green   
for a shirt and bluejeans for pants? I wouldn't get caught dress in such  
disaster! And those shoes, it's the new Nike, right? And that   
headband, Oh c'mon. You aren't playing any sport at all, Dita. Plus, your  
hair is ponied.So what's the use for the headband?

Dita: Uh... Ohmigosh! Duero! I totally forgot about him!   
(Runs back to studio) Duero!

Duero: Dita, I'm not going anymore. I've got myself a date.

Dita: Oh I see... (Smiles) Have a great time Duero!

Duero: (Waves) Be nice to Meia.

Dita: Hai!

That's it...


End file.
